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# Seven Women Take Hold
- URL: https://content.ryansite.org/seven-women-take-hold/
- Published: 2026-09-24T17:19:44.000Z
- Updated: 2026-09-24T17:19:44.000Z
- Author: Ryan Orrock

"Should I break up with him, then?"

It was a random call from an old coaching client, reaching out to speak it through.

For advice.

Through the conversation, it was pretty obvious. This wasn't the guy (whose baby she was carrying) that she wanted to be with.

"Great to talk to you again." I had enjoyed it.

A week later, she was dead.

Because of him.

She hadn't left.

I think about that conversation, I think about her and the bright light she was every time something similar crops up.

Of course, I still ask myself: what else could I have done?

And basically, the *only* thing I can come up with that I could have done "better" would be try to get more emphatic and directive. (Which we are trained not to do as coaches...)

But otherwise?

I've dated, coached, and otherwise engaged with the most powerful, sexy, beautiful women for the past 20 years.

And, during the first couple years of COVID, SEVEN of my old connections crawled out of the woodwork, and they ALL said the same thing.

Some version of "You were right."

One of them even said (from nowhere), "God told me I need to come sit with you?" (And then she didn't.)

WHAT?

We're talking about stuff that was two years back. Or five. Or ten. In one case, 30 years!

"What you said back then about X was totally right."

In almost every case, it was either:

- Some random piece of life advice (that was important) OR
- My structure for how I wanted our relationship to be (which she then rejected)

It's this weird pattern, and it's been happening for decades now.

Women leave. And come back.

Every couple years. It can be 1, 2, ,3, 5...whatever.

And either:

They want to give it 'another shot'.

OR

They say I got it right (ok, now what?)

When they want to 'give it another shot', then THEY want to set the rules, parameters, and, most important, the path/focus/direction of the relationship. (No thanks!)

And I don't really know why this is.

I am puzzling over it a lot.

I can only guess.

I wonder:

When 'your guy' says something you don't like to hear in the first place, why not listen?

- You want to prove how smart you are?
- You're afraid he's trying to hurt or manipulate you?
- Nobody ever gave you advice before?

Recently, I demonstrated. Proved: I can get you X result. The stuff I said about Y is true.

And then she comes back with, "Well, this random guy on the internet said THIS. And this other guy said THAT."

Great. Hang out with them, then. What are talking for?

We obviously aren't going in the same direction.

But then *carefully consider* what you want to happen IF and WHEN you come back.

Because, I don't think I've ever had a woman return and I said, "You know what, all that leadership, guidance, direction I offered the first time, all my wisdom, knowledge, spirit, intelligence? Yeah. That was all wrong. I don't believe any of that anymore. What do *YOU* think we should do?"

???

This spin cycle happened SO MANY times I was really starting to wonder what was wrong with me.

Until.

Until I found someone who was actually willing to try it out for awhile. For the first time since I was married at 25.

AND WHADDAYA KNOW????

Seems like she is now getting all the stuff she wanted and WAAAAY beyond.

But it wasn't easy. Not for either of us.

And, in their defense: I have not always been the most gentle of explainers. Bhairava for a reason.

My delivery has often left much to be desired.

I am an emotional Cancer. (star sign, not illness ;)

And I have worked on that. Nonetheless, if one person can get the message and get the result--and where she started seemed impossible, then I am not totally broken.

But, as I watch ALL the single ladies and ALL the single men. The smart and powerful ones.

And society in general: where the stupid and evil rule and the brilliant and loving are sidelined...

And I say: "What the heck? Shouldn't we able to figure this out?"

Ok. I don't know why I wrote that other than it has been nagging at me for a few weeks.

What's your take?

And, obligatorily, because this is how we do it on SM now: if you want to dive into this more, lmk.

*pfew*